Loch Ness Ashleigh?

 

Seperated at birth or what!?! I dunno about that, but those girls can do amazing things with a bit of make up.
In this blog I will compare the infamous Ashleigh Harris to another infamouse character, perhaps you've heard of her. Loch Ness Monster? Nessie? The Kilted Flamingo? All names that she tries to pass off with, but I am on to her lies.
First and foremost, I will present a copy of a conversation about Ash I once overheard.

CHEF’S DAD
Say, would you crackers like to hear
about the time we saw the Ashleigh monster?
STAN
No, that’s okay.
CHEF’S DAD
Ooh, must have been about seven, eight
years ago. Me and the little lady was
out on this boat, you see.
All alone at night. When all of a
sudden this huge creature, this giant
crustacean form the paleolithic era
comes out of the water.
CHEF’S MOM
We was so scared. Lord have mercy I
jumped up in the boat and I said
Thomas! What on Earth is that
creature.
CHEF’S DAD
It stood above us looking down with
it’s big red eyes.
CHEF’S MOM
Oh, it was scary.
CHEF’S DAD
And I yelled, I said ‘What do you want
with us monster?’ and the monster bent
down... and said... ‘I need about
three-fiddy’.
KYLE
What’s tree-fiddy?
CHEF’S DAD
Three dollars and fifty cents.
CHEF’S MOM
Tree fiddy.
STAN
He wanted money?
CHEF’S DAD
That’s right. I said ‘I ain’t giving
you no tree-fiddy you damn Ashleigh
monster! Get your own damn money!

The above evidence presents the fact that Ash is from the paleolithic era, Ash herself claims to be 18. Now, I'm no fancy big-town lawyer, but I sure as hell know that the paleolithic era was more than 18 years ago!
Now, some lore says that Nessie, you don't mind if I call her Nessie do you? Okay. Nastifar is supposed to be a very gentle creature. If she's so gentle then why is Loch Ness filled with blood ehh? Have any of you been to Loch Ness? Do you dispute my claim? See it for yourselves boyos and girl... o's
Also... The pants... Come on people... The pants.
Anywho, I've made my claim and I am staunchly supporting it. Why can't they find the Loch Ness Monster in Loch Ness? Because the female monster it is has taken residence in our very town! Gather the pitchforks and flames, we must drive this accursed wretch from our soil and cleanse the land of her misdeeds!

Always with love,
~Sean

p.s. You can go on with the cleansing without me, I'm busy playing San Andreas.

p.p.s. I thank http://www.southparkcows.com/scripts/303.pdf and the creaters of South Park for their generous contribution to this blog!